Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
