You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
