he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
