Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
