I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You are a genius and a whore.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
