Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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