Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
