its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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