I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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