Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
