I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
