just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
