just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
