If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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