i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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