Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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