i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
