everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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