im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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