My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
