There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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