I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
