Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
People in love make me want to vomit
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
