Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
