Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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