Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
