Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
