We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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