that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
