Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
