I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
