I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
