my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Don't tell me you're on acid again
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
