My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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