I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
