dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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