well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
