how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
