wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
