Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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