And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
