I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
