It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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