If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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