I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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