I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
