If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
