I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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