its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
