She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
