end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
