my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
